(It’s been a while. I had the best of intentions when I said I would be blogging regularly on my newest goals and dreams. I’ve been at work, slowly but surely, and either haven’t had anything to write or I’ve been so occupied by life that this blog had to come second. Sorry I wasn’t as good as my word… but I’m back for now. OK, disclaimer over…)
The new year has been a time of redirecting for me, in a more profound way than usual. Perhaps redirection isn’t quite the right word, maybe returning is more accurate. My heart, my soul, my body have been missing singing in a huge way since summer when I let my practicing slide to make room for the big changes taking place in our lives. The habits have taken this long to make their way back into my life; and only by necessity. I finally found something in Vancouver that I wanted to audition for and then I had to practice, no choice in the matter.
Several things happened in those evenings of finding my voice again. Like returning to a house once lived in and discovering a nook that one doesn’t remember being there, new parts of my voice opened up to me. A new note up top, a new note or two in the basement. After not singing classical music for nearly six months! Something I will never understand about singing is that breaks are often the best possible thing for one’s voice. I also found that phrases in arias that were hard to get through in one breath were now effortless. It could be all the running I’ve been doing… I am probably in the best shape of my life, but I didn’t expect this to cross over to my singing for some reason.
Most importantly, I am rediscovering my heart for singing. As a young singer trying to make my way in the world, it’s incredibly easy to lose sight of this and think only about how to get heard, how to get roles, how to get that high G. I am remembering what it feels like to sing and to communicate and to connect to my heart in the process. It’s a beautiful thing. There is absolutely no other reason I should be singing, and if I should forget this ever again, I hope it’s a truth that will return to me, or that I’ll quit entirely.
It’s all happening. I have a lead role in an operetta in May, two possible upcoming (big) auditions, and I’m in the process of beginning a teaching studio again. This is my heart, to communicate truth with my voice and to help others do the same. By the grace of God, the opportunities keep coming when I make myself available and prepared.
The preparedness, the diligence it takes to get there, will always be the hard part for me. But I am learning to conquer the excuses, one step at a time, and give myself grace when I fall.