moving ever forward

Tonight seems like a moment to mark. Not that it’s any more important than any other, but because if I don’t, it might slip away.

I’m married. My two best friends are married. One has a dog, the other has a dog and a baby on the way. So recently, the biggest decisions, the crux of the issues, were centered on which band to see on which weekend and what we should do when we grow up. Or these romantic dreams of how we will change the world.

Now, it’s: how do I make these dreams into some sort of feeble reality before real life catches up? How do we both pay the bills and pursue Life to the full? What happens when they seem incompatible?

I’m happy, don’t get me wrong. Incredibly, deeply happy to the point of tears. I’ve never known life this full and wonderful before. He brings out the best in me, and the worst in me, and magnifies the former and refines the latter. We play, we talk, we cook and read and laugh. Oh, do we laugh. I think we are getting close to finding out what marriage is all about.

But my ideas and dreams for my life can’t just be ideas anymore. I have to verbalize them, we have to plan. I’m not used to having a bouncing-wall… I’m used to jumping and hoping the parachute will open at the right time. And the wonderful person that he is, he listens, and he hears me, and he says the right things at the right time, at least I think.

As life spins forward, he will be with me. And You will be with me. And this is all I need.

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