marital musings

I found out last night that a woman I respect deeply is in the process of becoming divorced. This was hard to hear, especially from her; they’ve been married for many years, built a life together, had children, and from the outside, it’s looked like perfection. After hearing her tell me that it’s been far from perfect, though, I’ve been thinking a lot about what makes a marriage solid and what I can never take for granted. Just because right now I can’t envision that happening to us doesn’t mean we aren’t immune to the innumerable things that can tear a relationship apart. The statistics alone are enough to instill some healthy anxiety (is there such a thing?) in me, even while in newlywed blissful dreamland.

I told this friend last night that I feel so lucky to be married to someone who truly makes me want to be a better person. The way he does this most is by drawing me deeper into my relationship with God. I believe that keeping God at the center of our marriage will strengthen us for the difficult times (which I know will come), but the “how” of this is pretty complicated. We pray together sometimes and worship side by side frequently (when he’s not playing guitar up front). On so many levels, though, we experience God so differently that it’s hard to do together. I expect it to become more difficult still when he starts seminary in three weeks and is immersed in an intense, academic view of theology, scripture and deity.

This friend encouraged us to keep a date night tradition, and to take picnics, even especially when life gets busy and everything seems to be getting in the way. I think this is some of the best advice out there, but so hard to implement on a regular basis.

You married folk: how do you do it? What have you done tangibly to strengthen your marriage and put your spouse first? Or if you’re single, what have you seen in marriages you admire?


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Carol Jason
    Aug 20, 2010 @ 21:38:13

    A solid marriage is based on God first!! I am so blessed to have a Godly husband who directs me back to the Word. I love that we share together in God’s word. Date night is great, but being home and watching a video together or working in the yard together also is considered a “date.” After 18 years, I still cannot wait for my husband to return from work so that we may spend hours talking! All the best to you and we will be in prayer for your friend.


  2. angelalois
    Aug 20, 2010 @ 23:54:36

    I have a lot to say about this. I am a woman who married a man in our Church’s temple, but then he decided to stop “believing” if you will. It has been so very hard. I heard once before, “I always believed our marriage had three participants — me, him, and God — and if two of us could hang in there it would work.” I think that is why I’m still trying. God is by far who we need on our side… but it is so hard to love unconditionally when you feel like so many promises have been broken. I struggle every day with “not giving up on God” and “being true to myself” by leaving. Just remember that. Anything not centered around Him will fail. He is the divine center, and when you’re focused on Him the rest of your life will fall into place. I hope you guys have a wonderful happy marriage forever. Wow, that was personal but it feels good to talk about it. Thanks for the post.


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